Adding Spark to Your Marriage

If you’re dating or married, summarize in two words what your best dating experience would be?

Michael and I were stuck in a phase of feeling tired of doing the same-old thing. We’d come home from work, have a snack, play a game or read, have dinner, go for a walk, and go to bed. This routine consumed most of our nights. None of those are bad, but doing them repeatedly with little deviation became boring for me.

I knew I was doing better health-wise and could handle more activity. I got excited over the smallest things when they were outside of our routine. I found myself saying “This is fun,” when we did anything slightly out of normal. Michael would ask me why, to which I’d reply, “Because it’s different.”

This has now become our new drive. In order to shake up the routine and add some spark back into our days and marriage, we’re on a quest to be brave and try lots of different things. But we didn’t really know where to start.

We knew our marriage needed change. So, one night we sat down and had a good heart-to-heart. We talked about the issues that were bothering us. We reminisced about our dating days and beginning of marriage. We asked each other what it was that we loved most about that time. Then we narrowed it down to two words: Anticipation & Surprise.

We both love a great surprise. I am not a fan of surprise parties, but I do enjoy coming home to a bouquet of flowers, going out on a surprise date or night away, or going on some last-minute random adventure. Michael loves any kind of good surprise, parties and all.

We also both thoroughly enjoy the anticipation and build up of the surprise. You can tell either one of us that a surprise is coming. We’ll be excited and we might teasingly try to probe for answers, but neither of us actually wants to know what it is. We’re happy to wait and see what it is when the time comes.

During our conversation that night, we decided to pick alternating months and plan a fun and surprising date for each other. It started in February this year. One of Michael’s favourite things is when I surprise him with a night away at a local hotel. We were dog-sitting until 7pm on Superbowl Sunday, so I knew he wouldn’t suspect anything. I packed the car while Michael walked the dog.  The dog went home to the owner, I ordered pizza, and then drove him to London. We got to the hotel and watched the rest of the Superbowl game in the room. We don’t have cable at home so this was exciting for us. The winter Olympics were on too, so we checked in on those between the game. It was so much fun to get out for a bit, with the added rush of the surprise.

It has rekindled fun and romance back into our relationship. Throughout the rest of the month, we do other things to break routine and try something new. Michael let me pick a random flavour of ice cream for him when we went to a Marble Slab ice cream shop. He will normally go with a chocolate flavour, so I ordered cotton candy, mixed with gummy bears, mini marshmallows, and sprinkles. I added a bit of nerds too.

Well, July is coming up which is Michael’s month to plan. He’s been working on something for the past month or so now. He gave me two hints so far. One is that is it on my bucket list from years ago. I think I might have that one narrowed down, but I’m not quite sure yet. The other hint is the day that we are leaving. Other than that, I have absolutely no idea what he’s up to – and I love it! It’s so much fun knowing I’m going to get whisked away somewhere and go on an adventure of some sort. I’ll pack a variety of clothes to suit any occasion. He’s got the food and activities worked out so I’m just along for the ride. It’s great!

Hmm, that gets me thinking. I’m going to need to plan something for August. Do you have any suggestions for me?

So now, how about you? What would your two words be? I guess we technically had three, so I’ll allow that many if you can’t narrow it down to two. How would you switch up your routine and/or add more fun to your life?

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