What Tools are in Your Box?
One of my dads and I used to have long heart-to-hearts when I was in my twenties. We’d sit around and he’d help me sort through questions I had in life. This was in a time when I was trying to figure out missions, ministry, or secular work, relationships, where to live, etc. He loved using the analogy that everything I did added another tool to my toolbox. It would equip me with what I needed in various stages of life to help me through. These tools can be collected by education, observation, advise, or learning to work through hard times.
I admit that I didn’t think this way in the hardest part of our infertility process. I was stuck in sorting through my own emotions let alone thinking about trying to help someone else through theirs. However, the more I move away from that time, the more I can see the treasure that opportunity holds.
When someone knows that you’ve gone through something similar to them, it provides an opportunity to connect and be vulnerable with each other. You can both share your stories which will naturally bring comfort when the person realizes they aren’t alone in their battle.
The more you can open up about your story, you’ll realize that there are lots of others going through similar trials. This in turns gives you the ability to know how to support them.
The Lord understands suffering. He went through a lot of it Himself. He provides comfort in our suffering because He knows how desperately we need it. Then, by the comfort we receive from Him, we can give comfort to others who are struggling. It’s a beautiful cycle much like God’s love. God loves us, so we can love Him and others in return. Then the praise returns to the Lord and we feel blessed to serve Him in this way. The more love we give, the more love we feel from Him. The more comfort we give, the more comfort we receive ourselves.
It isn’t that we are to give so that we receive.
But it’s naturally built into God’s system that we receive blessings by the very nature of giving.
So, when you think of your own story, what tools do you have that you can offer others going through infertility? Are there any lessons you’ve learned through your journey that can help someone else? Perhaps you’ve been blessed with something creative that can touch other people’s hearts? For example, I created our guided infertility journals by the lessons I learned through our time to help guide others through their own journey. By this, I trust that the Lord will help their perspective to stay focused on Him so that they can be guided by His counsel and know what’s best for them.
No time in our life is wasted. No suffering is in vain. It’s all with a greater purpose. When we can take our eyes off of our grief and look to the Lord for answers and support, He begins to guide us on the path He desires. This is because we’re choosing to let Him lead instead of ourselves.
There are so many couples dealing with infertility. I’m sure we all know at least two-three that are currently walking through it. Yet surprisingly, it’s still such a hush topic. Many are embarrassed to talk about it or the grief is too heavy to voice. A lot of us have felt that people won’t understand so it’s easier to avoid it. But everyone with infertility needs help, no matter how confident he/she is. It’s one of those areas that we don’t have any control over. It’s completely up to the Lord whether He provides biological or even adopted children. And it’s difficult to know which option to choose.
You don’t need to solve their problem. You might not even feel like you have any ‘tools’ to help you in this area yet. But, being available to listen and support someone through it is the greatest gift you can give anyway. By prayer and listening, the person can feel like they can make it through.