Written by: Bethany Dumas
It was a cold, winter day when I received the news. Our son’s condition had worsened, we
needed to seek alternative solutions. Such overwhelming heartbreak. Over a year into treatment
and the hope was we’d be in a different place entirely, closer to a healthy son.
We had been praying. We felt so sure of this course of action. We had even witnessed a positive
response to treatment initially. Hadn’t we been seeking God’s will for our son and felt his tender
leading to this current course of action? Then why wasn’t it working? How could his condition
now be labeled “severe”? Why did God choose to let this happen to our son?
I often react this way when faced with an unexpected turn of events. Questions, doubts,
insecurities. The heaviness of grief over giving up what was hoped for, replacing it with what is.
The prospect of caring for a medically needy child can be paralyzing.
After some time of processing, I begin to ask myself different questions. Will I accept this from
the Lord as I have accepted the seasons of health? Will I continue to believe God keeps His
promises even when things don’t turn out the way I hoped?
Is God only good when He does what I desire him to do? Or is it possible that He is God and
does what He pleases because He knows best? He knows my son. He loves my son, more than I
could ever hope to love him.
Is He sovereign? Can I trust Him?
Even if we don’t get the news we hoped for?
Even if the road is long, hard, and tenuous and I feel like giving up?
Even if God chooses not to heal my loved ones on this side of eternity?
The truth is God doesn’t change. His words are true. He is faithful.
“Is it not from the mouth of the most high that good and bad come?” Lamentations 3:38
If I only trust in a God that does the things I ask, in the way I expect, at the time that I choose then I am serving a god I created, a false god, a genie.
No, I have to release all my hopes and fears, dreams, and prayers into His capable hands.
While we move forward in faith and do what we believe to be the next right thing, I have to
leave all the unanswered questions in God’s hands. I don’t know how the story ends, but I can
place my hope in God’s trustworthiness.
Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.