It seems like everyone has more hope about you having kids than you do for yourself. How many times have you received a comment like, “I know you’ll have kids one day.” “Don’t lose hope. God will give them to you eventually.” “Maybe God’s just taking His time to prepare you for children.” “I’m sure this’ll be done soon.”
More often than not, the fertility testing process can take quite a while for most couples to even get a confirmed result. If they are able and decide to pursue fertility treatments, it can take even more waiting for clinical availability, government funding, and timing with finances, work, etc. to prepare for it all.
If you choose to adopt, the websites make a clear statement that the process takes time, even years before you might be matched with a child(ren).
The biggest factor is trying to figure out what God wants for you. This can be the most time-consuming and frustrating process of all.
Over the years, we’ve had a number of people tell us to not lose hope. “Don’t give up on children.” “Don’t lose hope about having your own kids. I’m believing in a miracle for you.” “Michael, you’re going to be a father one day. I just know it!” No one was trying to add salt to the wounds with these comments. I found them encouraging at the beginning and they helped fuel me to continue to pray and seek answers about it all. However, it got old over time. I’d think, “Well, I’m glad someone’s still got hope about this because I sure don’t.”
This can all be confusing. What if you’ve been given a word or promise in which someone said they received on your behalf that you’d have kids someday? What if you’ve seen things that confirm this? Is it wrong to hold onto hope for it then?
No, but be careful in this. Sometimes God uses symbols to show you something, but it might not be the outcome you’d expect. He’ll make sense of it later, so I’d encourage you not to run ahead and try to understand/work it out yourself. Take it as a gift with open hands and trust the Lord to do with it as He pleases in His timing.
It is good to think that God might provide you with children some day. There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re not supposed to become sinical and bitter about it. That would be disrespectful to the Lord. But it’s also okay to stop constantly trying to figure it all out and just let it go until the Lord shows you what to do, if anything at all. There is a way to prevent despair and bitterness from happening. It takes a lot of work and a shift in mindset, but it’s totally worth it.
I’ll say it right now but you have to promise me something first – Keep an open mind. Resist any eyerolls or the temptation to exit this page. I say this with understanding and experience:
I know it’s hard. Like I said, it takes work and shifting your mindset. But when you learn how to do it, the greatest relief and peace overtakes any bitterness or despair from hoping in having a child. God might have a child planned for you in the near or distant future, or He might not. Instead of putting all your hope into something you don’t know the result of, why not put it in something/someone you do?
As the old saying goes, in an earthly sense, “Nothing is certain except death and taxes.” And even death isn’t completely certain depending on when Jesus returns. The only real certainty you can have in this life is the Lord – God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. He is the only One who knows every single detail of your life. He is, “the Author and Finisher” (Hebrews 12:2) of it.
This might be frustrating to you because you’re in a situation where you want an answer today! However, if you can think about this more when you’re not in the heat of emotion, this will actually offer you relief. You see, the pressure isn’t on you to have the answer. It might feel like it when people ask you about having kids, but it isn’t up to you. Quite frankly, if the person asking has children, the timing and ability of them having kids wasn’t up to them either. It was by the gracious, miraculous, sovereign will of God for them.
So, take the pressure off of yourself.
Next, give each day to the Lord in holy surrender. Choose to lay down your dreams and desires before Him and ask Him what He wants you to do today. Not tomorrow, next month, or ten years from now – Just today.
“Therefore, don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
Israel was a mess during the prophet Habakkuk’s time. He saw no end in sight, except the glimmer of hope the Lord had given him. Habakkuk ended his prophetic book with these words,
“Though the fig tree does not bud
and there is no fruit on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though the flocks disappear from the pen
and there are no herds in the stalls,
18 yet I will celebrate in the Lord;
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!
19 The Lord my Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like those of a deer
and enables me to walk on mountain heights!”
Habakkuk 3:17-19
Habakkuk understood where true hope is found. Though nothing in his earthly circumstances changed for better, he could celebrate and praise the Lord because God was his strength and help.
Your “fig tree” may never bud. You might never produce “fruit on the vine,” but the Lord will always be your strength and help. In this you can trust and hope because it is the one beautiful guarantee you have in this life. Jesus died and raised Himself back to life again so He could stand before the Father and intercede on your behalf so that you can live in the glorious eternity awaiting all who put their faith in Him.
I know it can be hard to stay focused on this when your emotions are saying so many other things, but the more you anchor your heart and thoughts in the eternal hope and blessings of Jesus, the more you’ll be able to take your thoughts and emotions captive and replace them with peace and joy.
