Ten years. It feels like a lifetime; like the rest of my life was in a whole other existence, and yet it has only been just shy of a quarter of my life.
Though you’ve read of the turmoil we’ve endured in our marriage, I can easily say this time spent with Michael has been peaceful. That sentence doesn’t make sense, I know. How can one endure such turmoil and find it peaceful at the same time? All by the grace and provision of God.
The Lord used His grace and wisdom when preparing Michael and I for each other. Two very different personalities joined together in marriage to be used to sharpen one another towards greater spiritual maturity, and to be an example of Christ and the church to the world.
That last sentence might sound prideful, like Michael and I are God’s gift to the world or something, but that’s farthest from my intention or reality. In fact, it is by enduring the trials and exposing our weaknesses to others that people see Christ to the church. Ephesians 5 tells us that’s what marriage is all about. It’s loving and respecting one another as models for Christ. The men are to love and respect their wives as Christ loves the church, and the woman is to respect and love her husband as the church should to Christ.
And so, this is how we have journeyed through all the highs and lows, learning to look to Christ as the center of our marriage, being held accountable of our intentions and actions before Him and each other. It’s been painful and hard at times, but it has been an absolutely incredible privilege.
Ten years in marriage is not far in the long game of life. But nowadays with so much divorce happening it is a declaration of the grace of God and His amazing work in us.
If I were to give one piece of advice that has been most impactful for our marriage, it would be the power of prayer, and especially praying together.
God LOVES hearing from us, both our praises and our requests. Praying out loud together as a couple, kneeling before the throne of God as His son and daughter, is a most treasured experience. Listening to my husband pray gives me a window into his relationship with our Father. I have come to greatly value Michael’s commitment to praying for certain people and needs, even of those he’s never met before or heard their current condition. But he made a promise to pray and continues to do so. His genuine heart is revealed and it is a privilege to witness. He gets the same opportunity as well when I pray to our Father.
Our pastor lent us a book by John Piper called, This Momentary Marriage, soon after our wedding that helped us feel comfortable praying in front of each other without judgement and seeing it as a beautiful privilege. In the book, John shared that my prayers are not to my husband, or his to me. They are a window into our individual relationships with the Lord. When we pray, we are hearing each other’s hearts for Jesus and others. We’re listening to the things that ache the heart, cause rejoicing, and allows us to acknowledge and give praise to God when He answers our prayers. There is accountability of awareness to look for God’s work among us and rejoice in Him when it happens.
The pastor that did our premarital counselling explained our marriage like an isosceles triangle. God is at the top, the husband and wife at the other two corners. As you each grow individually in the Lord, the triangle gets smaller and smaller, and the intimacy between the three of you deepens. Each person should influence greater growth as you spend time with the Lord.
These tips were valuable for our marriage, along with the DVD series Love and Respect by Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, and the movie the War Room by the Kendrick Brothers. But ultimately, it’s been God’s gracious work, the provision of these materials, and prayer by us and our dear community that has sustained our marriage. In the deepest lows we clung to Jesus. In the highest of highs we’ve praised Jesus.
We are not perfect at any of these. One moment, I can be lovely to Michael and grateful for him. Another, I can be frustrated about the smallest thing. We’re two sinful people living together under one roof with our own selfish ambitions trying to figure out this life.
But if I were to look at all the blessings and accomplishments in my lifetime thus far, aside from my relationship with Jesus, there’s nothing I am more grateful for than to be Michael’s wife. It is the greatest honour and privilege.
The day I wrote this post, Michael took me to get blood work done on his lunch break. As we pulled into our driveway, tears filled my eyes as I thanked him for working so hard and sacrificially for our little family. Because he does this, it allows me the freedom to be at home instead of having to find another job. This ministry doesn’t pay me, and to be honest, it often takes from our personal funds. But we both see it as a privilege to serve the Lord and all of you. So, he continues to provide and does what he can, and we continue to trust the Lord to meet all our needs, which He has so faithfully done, exceedingly and abundantly!
Michael and I are both the Lord’s first and foremost, and we make it our aim to make each other second. Marriage is a two-person commitment and it takes a lot of focused effort to maintain. But even greater, it takes a lot of prayer and humility, knowing it is only as strong as our relationships with Jesus. He is the One who has sustained and helped us every step of the way.
There are things that I adore about Michael and things that drive me crazy at times haha. And it’s the same in reverse. There are things I do that just don’t make sense to him or emotions that come out of no where he suddenly has to navigate. Some days we seem to talk passed each other and can’t manage to understand what the other is really trying to say. There are seasons of trial and of spiritual battle. But then there are those sweet, sacred moments in between where laughter and child-like spirits come to the surface and joyful praise fills our lips.
This is much like life in general. There are truly seasons for everything. Marriage is a privilege to enjoy the journey of life with someone along the way. It is worth all the work, and dependency on Christ, to stay committed to Him and to each other.
Michael,
It has been the greatest privilege of my life to walk side-by-side through the last ten years with you. It has been an absolute joy to see you flourish in your relationship with Christ, and to lead me in the same way. It has been so much fun going on adventures and experiencing all the surprises.
It’s been a great blessing to champion victories, by the grace of God; financially so I can be home, at the gym so we can take care of the temples the Lord has given us, and to see His grace in our family and health.
It has been a blessed comfort and peace to have you with me through all the sickness and working through the bondage and healing from shame. The Lord has used you to show me what His grace, love, patience, and peace looks and feels like tangibly.
Thank you for leading us into deeper intimacy with Jesus, asking challenging questions, getting on bended knee and battling for us and others, teaching me what you’re learning in the Bible, and the joy one can experience in giving.
You are a treasure I thank the Lord for with open hands knowing you are His, and counting each day He gives us as a gift.
I love you dearly and pray our Father shines His favour upon us with decades more of life and relationship to explore together.
Happy 10th anniversary my love,
Your Wife
