One thing about infertility is that it can be so easy to get stuck with a zoomed-in perspective. You can stand so close to the problem that it’s all you can see.
I learned that the hard way. I lived from one doctor’s appointment to the next, waiting desperately for an answer that would uncover our issues and get us on track to the solution. I admit that I can get caught up in the instant results of this world’s pace and forget that some things still take time, especially in the medical field.
The space in between each appointment seemed to relentlessly drag on. I’d get another test done and wait. The emotions of each event getting to my heart. Fear rose up in the in-between spaces. Questions and doubts about what might be wrong outweighed the Lord’s voice for comfort, patience, and reassurance.
I am so grateful for the husband the Lord gave me. Even though he struggled too, he was always right there loving and affirming me. Though hard at times, we chose to open up and lean into one another rather than bottling up our thoughts and feelings, and turning away from each other. That is absolutely crucial to do in order to help your marriage last. Communicating with love and respect of your spouse is necessary.
But your spouse isn’t the only one that needs to get involved. I know that it is a very sensitive topic and one that isn’t well spoken of in our society. Many people don’t understand and can’t relate. However, regardless of whether they can first-hand understand or not, you need to find people outside of your close circle that can be your outside perspective.
It is great if you can find another couple you respect, and who is wise, to do this for you. You as a couple need to both be willing to be open with this other couple. Share where you’re at and what you’re feeling. Discuss the options you’re considering if having a child of your own isn’t possible. Be willing to be challenged by them and ask the tough questions. Allow them to hold you accountable in your relationship with the Lord and with your marriage. Pray together about your situation. They may give suggestions of things you can get involved with to help you enjoy life and use your gifts for God.
Don’t get stuck sitting around waiting to find your fertility answer. More often than not, this process will take time, sometimes even years. It’s okay to grieve and take time to process your situation, but it’s not okay to stay there. This other couple can see where you’re gifted and help to find avenues for you to plug into something that you can enjoy. Perhaps you can even do a Bible study with them to help you grow in Jesus instead of filling your mind with more questions and doubt.
Do you have another couple in your life cheering you on? Do they help you see more to life than your current situation? Remember to thank them for coming alongside you and helping you through this trying time.
Do you feel like you’re on your own through this? Send me a message if your spouse and you need help. Michael and I are happy to help. Or, maybe there’s another couple in your church that can help. If you don’t know, ask your pastor. I’m sure he’ll know someone that’ll be a great match for you. Pray about it and see who the Lord directs you to. It’ll be worth it.
