One of the battles of infertility is to know how much we can be invested in other families’ lives and where we need to back away. It’s an ever changing boundary line depending on how you are doing mentally and emotionally.
It is important to take care of yourself and give yourself breathing room. The more heavily invested you are in other families; the harder it can be to crave one of your own. The reality of what you crave constantly being in your face can breed the result of dissatisfaction within your own circumstances. This can lead to jealousy, envy, and unhealthy relationships.
However, it is good and healthy to be involved in others lives. We all need community. It is great to invest your time in other kids. As the African proverb goes, “it takes a village to raise a child”. Parents only have so much patience, love, and perseverance to put into a child, especially if the child has special needs. I have heard from parents countless times, how much they appreciate it when others are willing to spend time with and love their child.
This doesn’t mean that you have to be there every day or even every week. But, for example, you could be an encouragement every other week or once a month.
Perhaps you can ‘adopt’ one family and have a fun night with their kids every once in a while. Bless the parents with a date night (because we all know they need one!). The kids will be raving about the fun time they had with you. I see a triple bonus here. Parents are happy, kids are happy, and your love bucket has been filled up a bit too!
Maybe it’s too difficult for you to invest in one specific family. There are plenty of opportunities that you can volunteer your time with. It’ll allow you to tap into the hearts of many kids, without having to get too connected to one specific child. There are lots of church ministries to kids, summer camps and day camps, sports programs, Scouts, Cadets, etc.
This gives you an avenue to watch kids explore, have fun, and enjoy your presence and leadership. It may be hard for you when the program season ends and the kids are gone. Take that time to reflect on the great memories, rest up, and recharge for the next season that’s coming.
Use this COVID season to research. What hobbies or activities do you enjoy doing? Research organizations and events around your community where your interests fit. Take what you enjoy and plug yourself into helping lead a kid’s program in that area. That way, you know that you’ll enjoy the time with the kids doing something you already love.
Try a Zoom or Skype call with your family or friends’ children. Keep them engaged and enjoying a chat for a bit. It doesn’t have to be long. Enough that the kids and you make a connection and have fun. It’ll also give the parents a bit of a break right now. Plus, you don’t have to hold the child or make a physical connection which can help your heart ease into it too.
Don’t fear those cravings in your heart. See them as a sign that you have love to give another. You need to find creative ways to share that love in order to help yourself and fill someone else’s love bucket. When you can learn to give out instead of just crave, it will turn into a blessing for you.
