The battle rages in your mind. What if you caused the infertility?
Questions abound – Did a sin I committed in my past cause this? Would I not be a good parent? Is there something God knows I’m going to do in the future stopping us from having children now? Am I not a good enough person?
You look at other moms and wonder why God saw fit to give them children and not you. Unedifying thoughts come next – Maybe they’re better than you are. Or, you think you’re better than them. Suddenly you’re judging them and their character. Then you’re condemning yourself for thinking that way and getting caught in the comparison game. But it’s not fair! Why do you have to go through this? Is God mad at you? Does He not like you?
Fear, shame, despair, etc. rise up within you to the point you’re questioning your identity and the goodness of God. Who does that sound like?
The Devil will use any excuse he can to discourage your relationship with the Lord. He’ll take this vulnerable situation in your life and pick it apart bit by bit with the anticipation that you’ll walk away from God. That’s his mission with everything in life. Blind those who don’t know Jesus from the truth, and for those who do know Him, discourage them into despair or make the things of this world look greater than their need for God, until they turn from Jesus.
For a reason only the Lord knows, He has chosen to not open your womb at this time, or maybe indefinitely. That’s His decision and He has His perfect reasons for it. That knowledge doesn’t make the situation easier, but there can be peace found in acknowledging it. It’s a starting point.
As much as you want to avoid it, there’s spiritual warfare happening in your life every day. The battle between the Lord and Satan, good and evil, is going on in the unseen realm. They’re fighting for you. Well, really, the Lord is fighting for you. Satan doesn’t care. He just wants everyone to be as miserable as he is, and will do what he thinks he can to keep God from winning. But it’s a silly endeavour because God will always win!
So, what does spiritual warfare have to do with your infertility? It kicks in soon after you start trying to conceive. The emotional roller coaster of whether you’ll get pregnant this month or not grows wearisome. You’re excited as the month begins and then are discouraged by yet another negative test.
The months turn into a year with still no results. More fear and discouragement grow as you begin all the tests to find out where the issues might be. Then the questions above begin. The what if’s leave you in tears frequently. It’s exhausting.
And it’s all the enemy.
In a perfect world, you’d be able to get pregnant with no complications. You would trust the Lord for His right timing. Labour would be easy and children would be a gem to raise.
The reality is you currently live in a fallen world. It’s hard to get pregnant, stay pregnant, and even parenting is tough.
But there’s always hope.
The Lord wants to give you peace. He can take this hard situation and make it into something amazing, even in the waiting.
He can place empathetic people into your life to pray for and encourage you through the waiting and testing. He can bring others who aren’t as far along in the process for you to encourage and disciple through it. He will provide peace and even joy in your sorrow through His word, worship, and fellowship. He can bring comfort in the dark when the grief keeps you up at night. He can fill your house with happy sounds of pets, friends, music, etc. when the house feels too quiet.
Then, at His perfect time, He’ll bring your answer as a gift. It might be a miracle baby, an adopted baby/child, or the peace of the answer, “not for you.” If that’s the case, He’ll bless you with spiritual children, friends, and projects which bring delight.
Why? Because He is a Good God! He loves you and fights for you every. single. day. He’s not going to let the enemy win. So, when thoughts of doubt, discouragement, worthlessness, shame, and fear try to take you down, cry out to the Lord, sing His praises, bathe your mind in Scripture, and phone a good friend.
Pray together with your spouse and lift your weary hearts to the Lord. Then trust Him to fight for you. Keep your eyes on Him and I guarantee you He’ll show you where and how He’s fighting for you. The pain of the infertility will eventually pass and God’s peace and joy will prevail.
