It’s a tough question that I think we all go through. If most women are like me in this area, we start thinking about kids and instantly want a family. The next thing we know, we have the entire nursery planned out in our minds. We know what we want in it and where it’ll all go. We live in the space in our minds before it actually happens.
Our nature is to want to buy stuff to be prepared. It feels better that way. The more we can prepare now, the better right? If we have the room set, then we can handle the symptoms of pregnancy better. We can get a ton of meals made ahead of time. We can be in control.
We like the security of feeling in control. We like to plan so that there aren’t as many surprises. What if we get pregnant right away? What if the baby is premature? It’s better to be prepared than not right?
But what if the pregnancy doesn’t come? What if you have an entire nursery ready to go, and then find out you can’t get pregnant? What if the adoption process takes years instead of months?
I’ve been torn by this scenario at times. I would stand at the entrance of the room I had planned to make the nursery. I’ve stared into it envisioning what it would look like all prepped for a baby. I’ve sat in our living room looking at the two main floor bedrooms, thinking about how I would design them for my girls and my boys. It’s natural to do that as a woman.
So, when you receive the diagnosis that you’re infertile, and you’ve got that crushing feeling within your heart, what do you do? Perhaps you’ve already purchased something for your possible child. Do you throw it out? Give it away? Or keep it?
It really all comes down to what you feel the Lord is telling you to do. If you need to hang on to the item in order to grieve that loss, please do. Hold it tight as you pour out your hurt and emotions to the Lord. Use it as a reminder to pray. Pray for your future children. Pray for your loss. Pray for direction in what to do next.
Then, as you come out of the initial grief, see if the Lord is directing you in any way. Perhaps that item you have was meant to go to someone else that’s special in your life. Do you have nieces or nephews that you’d like to bless with it? Or a special friend’s child? When giving them the gift, make an extra effort to pray a blessing over the child.
If the Lord continues to give you hope, and it isn’t too painful, keep the item. Use it as a reminder to pray for the children the Lord will bless you with. It could be through medical means, adoption, or fostering. Either way, there may be children in your home someday that need that item of love.
If you feel the door has closed, and God has other desires for you in life, perhaps you let it go. You could give it to a thrift store or a family in financial need.
Either way, it’s not wrong to have something in hopes that God has children in your future. It really comes down to how hard it is for you to keep it. If you have an entire nursery prepared, really spend some time praying about what to do. Keep the door closed to it for a time if needed. It could be that God wants you to foster a child and you need to be prepared at any time for a baby to arrive. It could be that you have friends coming over and it will be a place for their baby/child to rest while you visit. You may babysit for other families so they can catch a break. Only you know what you can handle.
You can always use what you have in order to bless others. As we know, baby items are expensive. Each item can really add up.
Personally, Michael and I had been given some things from people when we mentioned we were trying to conceive. We stored them in hopes that a baby would come. But, as the years have gone on, with no clear direction from the Lord, we’ve been giving the items away in order to bless others. It was hard for us to see the items laying around.
But it’s okay. That’s where we are. As we get rid of more things as time goes on, it continues the process of healing from our loss. It allows us to move on even more. It’s helping us surrender the dream to the Lord and become more open-handed to His current plans for our lives. It’s teaching us that the future will always be out of our control, but it’s in the hands of the God who controls everything.
So, don’t feel bad if you have items around for your potential baby. Don’t feel bad if you’ve given it all away. You’re doing what is best and most healing for you. Embrace the process.
