One of the biggest challenges and yet greatest blessings can be welcoming a newborn into this world. Your heart aches as you long for a child yourself. You want to hold it, feel the delicate, warm, little body pressed against your chest and snuggled in your arms. Yet, every part of you is desperately trying not to break down and sob on this beautiful newborn life.
The longer your infertility journey goes, the more you realize that every single life is a miracle – a miracle that deserves to be celebrated.
This is where the biggest challenge comes. Your heart may feel discouraged or bitter. Perhaps you feel envious that someone else had a baby or jealous that this other woman gets to be a mom and you don’t. The mother’s exhausted struggling look doesn’t quite faze you. All you see is a sleeping cuddled newborn.
You’re at a crossroad. You can let your wild emotions control you. You can feel broken and angry. You can shut yourself out from everyone you know with babies. Or, you can face your welling emotions and choose to celebrate.
I do not say any of those words lightly. I say them from a heart of understanding. This isn’t a one-time crossroad. No, for some of you, this may happen every single time a child is born.
However, I hope it is something that will get easier in time as you learn to grieve your loss and celebrate others.
In the book, “Clout”, Jenni Catron explains the comparison trap of envy and jealousy this way:
“The problem with comparison is that it doesn’t end with a simple sizing up. It’s humanly impossible to compare oneself to what someone else has accomplished and not be tempted by the sin of envy, jealousy, and greed.
The Bible calls comparison the sin of covetousness (Luke 12:15). It lures us to deeply desire what another person has, including God-given influences, gifts, talents, experiences, and opportunities, all the while discrediting our own. We essentially reject how God has uniquely created and gifted us and covet what he’s given to others.
Our temptation to compare distracts us from being who God has called us to be. Rather than focus on what God has purposefully designed us for, we distract ourselves with this clout killer that robs us of leading from a place of security and confidence”. (page 20)
Again, this is so hard to implement, especially when having children is a Biblical blessing and a world-wide norm. Everyone assumes that you should or can have kids.
Now comes the time to transition your heart and your actions from grief into celebration.
Jenni continues, “God is calling us to value each other for our differences. Understanding this is foundational to understanding our clout. Our influence is most significant when we quit attempting to mimic someone else. When we embrace our influence and champion the influence of others, we begin to see the power of our distinctiveness coming together as a unified force” (Clout, page 24).
Each life is a miracle. Even though this certain woman has been gifted with a child, she has also been given the great responsibility to raise him or her.
God has brought this child to life and decided to grant it to that specific family. However, as the old saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child”. You are needed! This baby needs all the love she can get because we all know the hardships of life will come as she grows.
Be a blessing to a newborn. Pray about it and see if God would have you speak any words of blessing over his life. This can be a powerful moment. A God ordained privilege to you and blessing to the child and family.
Your heart may be torn. You may cry the whole way home when you leave. At least you have chosen to love, to bless, and to continue to do whatever you feel to help this family in their time of need.
God sees your heart. He sees your attempt to love and serve others as He would. He will protect and bless you in special ways in return.
Thrive in what God has called you to be. Change your heart’s attitude and embrace your own influence in this world.
