…As I stepped out of the chapel at the end, everything was quiet again. I looked up and saw the multitude of stars fill the sky in a brilliant array. I was captivated in awe, as the reminder of the Indescribable talk came to mind. Evidence of God was everywhere around me. Though my heart was still struggling and I was wrestling with the Lord about so many things, He continued to break down the barriers and woo my heart for Him.
“When I observe Your heavens,
the work of Your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which You set in place,
what is man that You remember him,
the son of man that You look after him?”
Psalm 8:3-4
The metaphors of my life and God’s love were everywhere. I was in a desert. I was surrounded by a culture and language I knew nothing about. I had gotten a severe burn and heat stroke which left me bed-ridden for three days. It was hot, dry, and hard.
Being a very independent person at the time, it was really difficult to not go anywhere on my own due to danger of being white and female. Yet, God was evident everywhere. His love overcame any of the hardships. The people were beautiful, incredibly loving, and supportive. I was amazed at their faith. They had nothing materialistically, yet their faith was everything. I remember thinking that they had greater faith than I could ever have because they learned that Jesus is truly everything they needed.
After a couple weeks on the plateau, we headed to a children’s hospital on the north end of the country. There was a six-month old baby boy there whose mother died at birth. They were waiting for family to come and get him. His name was Eric. I took to that child and held him as much as I could. There was another boy, a two-year old named Benji. He was rambunctious and a bit of a trouble maker. He craved everyone’s attention.
One day while I was holding Eric, Benji kept pulling at my free hand. I felt the Lord tell me to let Benji lead me. So, I did. He took me all around the inside of the building and then headed out. He remained calm the entire time he held my hand. He just wanted to explore. God spoke to me as I looked at Eric asleep in my arms. He told me that I was like the little baby, and that He was holding me. I smiled and felt the word confirmed as the sun hit Eric’s little face. Though sleeping, he squeezed his eyes a little tighter and turned toward me some more. Then relaxed again in the warmth of the sun and the comfort of my embrace. The Lord continued to explain that Jesus was like Benji. I needed to trust Him to lead me. I needed to let go of my expectations and just embrace Jesus. Though the journey may seem odd at times, I could trust Him. I’ll never forget that moment.
It was very difficult to come home. I was so afraid that I wouldn’t feel God’s presence anymore. I was going back to face all the unknowns again. But this time, I knew I wasn’t doing it on my own. I knew I had the Lord’s love and presence with me. I knew I could trust Jesus to direct my steps. I only needed to trust Him and love Him in return; To stop holding back and worship Him freely like the people of Haiti did. He wanted all of me, not only the parts I was used to. He had been my Lord and Master. Now He became the lover of my soul.
“For I am persuaded that not even death or life,
angels or rulers,
things present or things to come, hostile powers,
height or depth, or any other created thing
will have the power to separate us
from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!”
Romans 8:38-39
In this season, I know that we are all wrestling with something. Regardless of COVID, I’m hearing countless stories of things that people are working through right now. Uncertainties, family and health issues, death, financial hardships, etc. You may find yourself in the desert valley. Though it’s hot, dry, and hard, look up. Be reminded of the wonder and awe of the God you love and serve. Look for signs of the character He’s trying to reveal to you in this season. Worship Him unrestrained. Shout and declare the name of Jesus! Let Him lead you through the unknowns. He loves you so incredibly much. He’s there with you. Let Him be the lover of your soul.
